These Are My Confessions Like I'm Usher Raymond.

There has been some type of great rift within me. I call it great because it's really a change for the better. Continuing on from my last post that was damn near too long ago, I'm not quite so bitter anymore which is DEFINITELY a good look. Not only for myself but for the health of my friendships as well. There are actually a lot of thoughts jumbling through my head...but just a few in particular I feel should be "said out loud". Thank you blogspot for being that medium for me.
These are in no particular order.

thank you sir for leading me on and being added to the list of my "male disappointments". i'm not being sarcastic -unless you feel that way- but tis true. thank you for allowing me to learn another lesson that just makes me stronger. as for you, i hope all goes well with what you say is "a good thing", i hope you can soon realize it is a great thing.

there's a small flip i have to thank. she's the reason i actually realized that i changed for the better. i mean, i knew there was something new about me but when someone actually says "i'm glad you're back to smiling" or "i like it when you smile", you really open your eyes. so thank you fatso. i'm glad you're back.

the few. the proud. my friends. i don't seem to have many i can actually call my best, but i guess that's been my fault. NOT entirely my fault because of course everyone knows you don't distance yourself from your "best" friend simply because they are in some state of depression. wouldn't that just add on to the depression ? yeah, i believe so. but fuck that, i'm not holding grudges. a grudge is just wasted energy, might as well put it to work at the gym or better yet schoolwork.

destroy and rebuild. i guess you can say i more or less destroyed the "monster" that was keeping me down. now i'm onto rebuilding all it destroyed and reinforcing all it could not.

i'm spending valentine's day alone and yes, it is bittersweet. it's my first in a really long time but here's my take on it. everyday in a relationship, romantic or platonic, should feel like a celebration of love. everyday, every moment, second and even the fights. fights are just a not so nice way of saying i fucking love you motherfucker don't you get it, dumb shit. i am unsure if i am complaining but what ever it is i am doing, i do confess that i do miss having someone. i don't miss the mess i am when it all falls apart. in some part i know i'm better alone, at least for now. but we are all human and believe it or not we all want some type of love/companionship. cupid's played some cruel jokes on me, but when he makes me stumble, i only jump right back up. alas, i love you love.

xoxo :o]