Dance in the Dark.

Been ghost for a sec, but that's due to a very good excuse - I AM EMPLOYED !! I work at BeBe in the Garden State Plaza. I've been putting in a good couple hours so you can say I am CAKING but of course it's all for a very good reason. RESPONSIBILITIES. I am honestly very happy and it's been quite some time that I've actually meant that. As with anyone, all seems to be going well but there's a bigger piece missing. Not too worried about that, I'm focused, MAN.

So thanksgiving break was relatively nonexistent but that's cool I suppose. Only a few more weeks and the month off is here xD xD xD. The most unfortunate part of this break was that I didn't get to see the BFF Emanuel. But but butttt not to fret cause BFF week will be in full effect soon WOO. Activities pending but you know what it is !

I'm running full of emotions I really wish I could spill but my pride won't let me show it. I'm just chillin' though. Baby I'm a free -- bitch.

"Baby loves to dance in the dark, cause when he's looking she falls apart..."

When I Dream of Fairytales, I Think of Me and ...

Busy, busy, busy freaking week man. Last friday I had an interview with Hollister which I probably didn't get because the damn thing was a group interview and I am a shy mofo. It was mommy's birthday on Saturday so mother and her daughters went to get their hair dyed and I am PROUD to say I am back and happy with my chestnut :]. We took moms out to a fancy Spanish (Spain) restaurant in Newark and gave her THE gift. Sadly, because of my lack of funds I really couldn't be part of it, but my parents are off to SPAIN in April 2010. AND they have their VERY own digital camera. Hopefully by the time they leave I will have enough to throw a few Euros their way. As for school work, I finally finished my wack ass power point presentation. I am taking 17 credits next semester OMG.

I have an interview with bebe on Friday, I'm just going to wish myself luck on that one. I am in DESPERATE need of a job. In other news, THANKSGIVING BREAK NEXT WEEK ! I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE EVERYONES FACE. WOO !! Coming home early Tuesday :]

no musical quote...have nothing inspiring to say. In words of some dominican ( ;] ) "ITS CUDDLE SEASON" :'[

Hurt Me Soul.

As of late, my blog posts have revolved around the same subject. I should've just compiled them all and named it "THIS IS THE MONSTER YOU'VE CREATED". Insanity -_- I'm not going to make any decisions regarding him anymore, I don't usually stick to my plan so maybe if I just don't plan anything I will do what I should've done so long ago. Tough =/

Thanksgiving break is coming up and I am so excited. There are a few people I really hope to see. I am in need of my old friendships more than I would've ever imagined, we all have our moments. I'm doing some job searching today, hopefully all goes well. Never thought I'd be in this type of predicament but expected the unexpected right ?

Yeah, that goes to you. Still don't get it, but I am so gone, no more questions or anything to say. I can't even find the way to ask how you are doing cause honestly, I could care less. Same amount of care you show for me, friend. Smh, never really quite were that either - life. So angry -_-

Mommy's birthday this weekend, pretty excited. Can't wait to see her face after she gets her gift. :]

Workload is on overdrive, so I'll see when I will be back, lataaaaa !
"I used to give a fuck, now I give a fuck less. What do I think of success ? It sucks, too much to stress."

A Night Off.

I am suspiciously still awake, but it's not because of a heavy heart. It's a tough decision...deciding that you're going to give yourself a break from someone. Yeah people do it in relationships often, but within a friendship ?? I find it to be deeper. Boyfriends/girlfriends come and go, but friends ?? I don't know, I'm just really big on that sort of relationship.

About that heavy heart of mine, I've lifted some strain from it. For once (in a really long time), I have decided it's time to put ME first. This might sound weird, but I've always been about someone else. Whether it be my boyfriend at the time, a certain best friend/group of friends or just my family. I've always been about pleasing others then MAYBE if I had the time or energy, do things for myself. I think it's time for me -- I'm overdue.

Because it has only been a few days, I can't really say if my decision has been worth it. I've decided me and a close friend need a little breather from one another -- rather him from me. He's not a bad person at all, but like any other human (including myself) choices were made and I'm not big enough to handle them yet. I've made plenty mistakes out of anger and caused some damage which in turn is not easily forgiven. I am big enough to admit to all my wrongs and be truthfully sorry for them. I hate that I always have to resort to taking breaks from people in order to deal with their choices. These choices are part of life and not impossible to get over but I'm just so dramatic and I ALWAYS have to do things the hard way. It's okay I guess. I learn lessons and give advice at the end of it all. I've given myself the goal of taking this "Hiatus", if you, will until winter break. That's about a good month and a half of being about me. No doubt, he'll never be far from mind. He's been such a big part of life for more than a year and half. You just can't erase that. I just have to work at remembering that he's always been my friend. I hope that during this month we both can get our minds right. He's not as gone as I am but I know something must be going on...especially after what I saw on my phone. It's ok, it's just my own medicine, right ? I might not blog about this topic anymore, but it's what's heavy on my mind. I wish that I knew how to hold in my emotions and be a big girl. But I'm just me, an emotional 18 year old college student who is a hopeless romantic and just misses what used to be. I'll get better soon enough. I promise you, you have my word. Everyone does.

-- I love my friends. For all their words of wisdom/encouragement/anger/everything...so many more reasons but this here is number one. Don't ever give up on me.
I know they don't read this, but my greatest friends are my sister and my sister in law. Because, they are SUPPOSED to be my friends and are eternally tied down to me :]

i just hope for the best.

Some Type of Way.

I've been avoiding my issues lately only because I'm in denial and just want to believe they will be solved on their own, but sooner or later, it all comes crashing down.

I don't have the correct words to explain what is going on within me at the moment. I always knew the day would come when I'd have to hear those words, I just hoped it wouldn't be any time soon. Last week was anything but great - not even okay. The way it ended, damn, I guess you can say it ended me too, metaphorically. But even with that, I'm trying to see the bright side of my situation, I'm sorry but I really can't. I've never been optimistic....and I'm DEF not about to start now. How can you be someone's friend when you have to put up a front whenever you talk to them ? No, I'm not alright. I wish I could be your friend, but you're killing me now. I can't be who you want when you don't even give me a break. How do I fix this....fix me....aye.

I need a major distraction...hobby....prospects. lmao. I make myself laugh sometimes, it's healthy.