A Night Off.

I am suspiciously still awake, but it's not because of a heavy heart. It's a tough decision...deciding that you're going to give yourself a break from someone. Yeah people do it in relationships often, but within a friendship ?? I find it to be deeper. Boyfriends/girlfriends come and go, but friends ?? I don't know, I'm just really big on that sort of relationship.

About that heavy heart of mine, I've lifted some strain from it. For once (in a really long time), I have decided it's time to put ME first. This might sound weird, but I've always been about someone else. Whether it be my boyfriend at the time, a certain best friend/group of friends or just my family. I've always been about pleasing others then MAYBE if I had the time or energy, do things for myself. I think it's time for me -- I'm overdue.

Because it has only been a few days, I can't really say if my decision has been worth it. I've decided me and a close friend need a little breather from one another -- rather him from me. He's not a bad person at all, but like any other human (including myself) choices were made and I'm not big enough to handle them yet. I've made plenty mistakes out of anger and caused some damage which in turn is not easily forgiven. I am big enough to admit to all my wrongs and be truthfully sorry for them. I hate that I always have to resort to taking breaks from people in order to deal with their choices. These choices are part of life and not impossible to get over but I'm just so dramatic and I ALWAYS have to do things the hard way. It's okay I guess. I learn lessons and give advice at the end of it all. I've given myself the goal of taking this "Hiatus", if you, will until winter break. That's about a good month and a half of being about me. No doubt, he'll never be far from mind. He's been such a big part of life for more than a year and half. You just can't erase that. I just have to work at remembering that he's always been my friend. I hope that during this month we both can get our minds right. He's not as gone as I am but I know something must be going on...especially after what I saw on my phone. It's ok, it's just my own medicine, right ? I might not blog about this topic anymore, but it's what's heavy on my mind. I wish that I knew how to hold in my emotions and be a big girl. But I'm just me, an emotional 18 year old college student who is a hopeless romantic and just misses what used to be. I'll get better soon enough. I promise you, you have my word. Everyone does.

-- I love my friends. For all their words of wisdom/encouragement/anger/everything...so many more reasons but this here is number one. Don't ever give up on me.
I know they don't read this, but my greatest friends are my sister and my sister in law. Because, they are SUPPOSED to be my friends and are eternally tied down to me :]

i just hope for the best.