Heartbreaker.

Remember when I caught your eye
you gave me rainbows and butterflies
we did enjoy our happiness;
when our love was over
I was such a mess

I smiled at you
and you smiled back
that's when I knew
there's no turning back
you said you loved me
and I did too
now though it's over
I still love you

you're in my mind
you're in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heartbreaker right from the start

I tried to fight it
I tried so hard
and every day
I pray to God
that you and me were meant to be
but you had another
you had a lover

And now is gone
I don't know why
I feel like crying
just want to die
I can't look at you
and you know why
no, I tried so hard
to catch your eye

you're in my mind
you're in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you break my heart
A heartbreaker right from the start

Thank you MSTRKRFT for these amazing lyrics. They would've spoken to me a few months...scratch that -- weeks ago. I think the most tiring part of my day isn't the few hours I put in at work or the commute from NJ to NYC rather the energy to know and believe that at the end of the day I don't need anyone; romantically - that is.

I am feeling a tad bit on the bitter end about the prospect of love or a relationship for that matter. Anyone who knows me KNOWS this isn't me in any which way or form. I am the epitome of hopeless romantic. Now relationships make me sick. I much rather be part of something meaningless with absolutely no strings so I could avoid all FEELINGS. Shit...I'm morbid -_- But don't get me wrong. I am still madly, deeply, head-over-heels, GAGA in love with love. It is just that at this precise moment I love my ever so tenacious heart and attitude more than anything. Maybe it's just me becoming one with the season - cold but warm every now and then. But then spring arrives just in time and maybe then I'll stumble upon a knight in shining armor. Def don't have any high hopes for that. I'll pause on this before I get into how the male population is the same AT ANY AGE ! Yikes =X

sayonara babies.

Room for Improvement.

So it's been too long since I touched base. Have plenty to blog about just too few words to express and fully explain what goes on in this life of mine. Blah. I don't want to sound cliche and say this year I will definitely change, but for this second - let's allow it.

I finished my first semester with a 3.2 GPA, I'm not too upset or too happy but I guess it's something. I'm ready to put in work for that 3.8 and get my ass out of that place. LET'S GOOOOO ! Moving forward, I have officially come to terms with the fact that I don't need someone (male figure) to make me feel wanted, happy, important, etc. what the fuck, I am eighteen years old and reeeeaalllyyy need to get out of that "Cuffin" mentality. Trust me when I say, and my friends know it all too well, I am at my best when I am alone. So very happily, I intend to stay this way :]

I learned a FUCKING lot in 2009, mostly because I was shitted on but lastly because I became the same asshole who shitted on me constantly. In the end, that was the ultimate lesson and what led me to realize how much better off I am alone. This of course does not include friends and family, because let's be real, where would I be without any of them ? Although I firmly believe that I don't have much to be happy about I am feeling all sorts of happy. Going to finish up all those transfer apps, then just maybe I will be complete.

As for this blog's title, its self-explanatory. I have much more growing up to do as well as improvements and I'm just grown up enough to admit it.

"a sure thing just might fail you"